Thursday, October 23, 2008


The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. Which means, to love. To be loved. To never forget your insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To persue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, To watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.

By John Berger.


I stopped breathing for a while. Closed my eyes. I wanted to fully feel this feeling. Its the feeling akin to the one we get when we wash earth of our feet and nestle into our cosy bed. I could'nt help going over them again and again. Each time they made more sense, and each read-over made every doubt about it disappear. My hands and knees went slack and I experienced tranquility like never before. But then never before has the search for spirituality and peace been as desperate as it is in our times. These are desperate times. Mad hours. And I'm mad. Questions drive me insane sometimes. The answers are also questions in themselves. I furiously envy people who are religious, and who have the patience and discipline to follow an early morning cleaning and praying ritual. At least they know where to search for answers. Those days when I openly mocked God-lovers of the "Hindu-temple" variety are long gone. Now I yearn for their devoted fervour. I fancy I have my own relationship with God, but so far it had been a medley of mud-slinging, slew of complaints, maybe a pinch of 'thank you's'. Only now its dawning upon me that I'm actually one of the Blessed Ones, as I watch people's lives falling into a rubble of discontentment and disappointment around me. Pity it takes tragedy to count your blessings.

Anyway, the most bizarre thing, as I mulled over those words, was that I realized I happen to be a stark anti-thesis of whatever is being said here. I try to live a life which is a juxtaposition of rich flavours, but I am aware I'm almost humourously lackng in many ways. I'm fortunate enough to have people to love in my world, but usually I love them as convenient in my scheme of activity. They love me, yeah that for sure. In my sphere, I'm the most significant person, I could'nt care so much about the vulgarity or disparity as long as I can save myself from it. Leave alone seeking joy in it, I don't even like to be in a sad place in the first place. No, not at all. I do persue beauty, it tantalizes me, but its got to have a really good case to hold my attention-span. I, without fail, simplify what is complicated and complicate what's simple. I challenge strength and power. Believe me when I declare, trouble loves me!

Only now, as I'm getting older, I've started watching. I make an effort to understand. Only now, I've just about stopped tossing my head in the air with arrogance and looking away sullenly when I don't like the general turn of events. Only now, its dawning upon me that the object of life is sensation in its purest form and to grasp that form we require a lucid understanding of the inside and the outside. By "inside" I mean our mind, our thoughts, actions generating from these thoughts, and the consequences of these actions on the Universe. By "outside" I mean the Universe, the vast beyond, the orbits, the environment, the elements, the energies of our world, their concurrence and its result on our minds.
Only now, I understand how small and insignificant you and I are in the Grand scheme of events. we are all mere weightless dust particles floating in the air, with only our egos to provide buoyancy.


  1. may be someday i'll understand what exactly you mean to say... rt now i'm all muddled up.. dont even know what i want..

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I like your style of introspection and your concluding statement. Reminds me of what Lazarus said..."are you a speck of dust, danced in the winds..."In fact, I'd like to put the entire quote here:
    "Are you a speck of dust danced in the wind? Then laugh, dancing! Laugh yes to your insignificance! Thereby will be born your new greatness! As Man, Petty Tyrant of Earth, you are a bubble pricked by death into a void and a mocking silence! But as dust, you are eternal change, and everlasting growth, and a high note of laughter soaring through chaos from the deep heart of God! Be proud, O Dust!"

  4. what a lyrical essay! i understand that feeling somewhat, when you encounter something really profound, and the depth of its meaning washes over you. a moment of clarity, of perspective, ones personal communion with "meaning". and you describe it beautifully!

    and a very honest assessment of yourself in light of the quote. age brings along with it a certain mellowness. you start appreciating "soft" virtues which you formerly scoffed at.

    the nit picky me disagreed with one part of the essay. if one feels as if one has been Blessed (good circumstances, no accidents, people love you) by God, doesnt it imply a biased god? (in that he blesses some and not others)

  5. and oh yes....nice foto!

  6. Words are hard to come by when your awstruck and I am no exception...

    Brilliant introspective piece of writing...

    Frankly speaking I think I am living your past, lets see whre does lyfe takes me in searh of it...

    And indeed its pity that it takes a tragedy to count your blessings...

  7. we do live in a small small world!! It was just about an hour ago that I read CNs last post and said it was tranquilizing(about fire) and here's another one said to have a similar effect!!

    Well, I have always heard this quote from a certain someone since my childhood but always wondered if I'd want my dream to die even after I'm dead. I'd want my dream to live on...after all it was a dream that would have made a life(mine) worth living!!!

    And the last paragraph, I felt... if our egos are indeed providing the buoyancy then that makes each one of us all the more unique!!! (Note that this comes from an egotist)


    P.S. All said was just the way I'd view it. Give the fact that you did compile this post, its definitely meant more than just a thought to me!! So thanks to you... :)

  8. (not to be published!!!)
    and if and only if you find it fair enough, after you've written this post, I felt you should edit the part of your 'profile' that says "...though little patience...". the reading and re-reading does create an impact!!

    honestly, its been a pleasure dropping by!! after all its not so often that I tumble upon the 'unadulterated facts of life' in this place!!

    Until the next post, see you when I see you... :)

  9. @ pankaj
    hey, leave the photo-comments for orkut. this is serious stuff!

  10. @ pranav kumar

    thanks for dropping by, pranav. i am flattered that my post has been compared to CN's last post. his "scars of nature" has left me joustled and dumbfounded. yes, if your dream has made life worth it, it must live on. i feel what john berger tried to say by this quote was nothing in life is larger than the fact that we are living. life is larger than what life offers.....if life's dishin' out crap, let's just pass it off as miniscule in the grand scheme of events.

    i loved your lines from calvin and hobbes!
    lastly, i've published your second comment too, for i need to give it some thought.

    again, your time's appreciated, see you again soon, until then, hang loose!

  11. zomg. I remember leaving a comment on the previous post :( Its not there :(
    Imma write to you in a bit :|
    Personalized way :P



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